“There is a first time for everything”- While this statement might seem intuitively obvious to you, it is one of the most powerful statements in the universe. The same applies to you as an individual. This is your first hookup and you’re extremely nervous. You don’t know what the expected standards are, you are confused about what is expected of you and don’t want it obvious it’s your first time. In other words, you’re a ‘hookup virgin’. Your anxiety is normal and is in fact a good thing. All you need to know, are guidelines to follow to give you that aura of experience. You want to be able to just pick up your phone, knowing that a certain booty call is surely going to respond and do your bidding. Free sex, with no strings attached, awesome right? But to achieve this, you need to make an impression. Read on.
Be Mentally Free
One of the most important features you must exhibit, is confidence. This can’t be faked, hence you need to have an authentic peace of mind and mental calm. Anxiety is expected and is normal, it helps you avoid mistakes. But remember, that hookups are a sacred time where you can get all the fun and pleasure you desire. Not only you, your partner too deserves you bringing out your enjoyable, fun side. To achieve this, you need to keep a clear head, free of worry and concern. To help you do this, believe it that your partner too is as nervous as you are, they only just better at hiding it. Keep this in mind and let your worries go. This is an opportunity to display your sexuality and gain maximum pleasure. Don’t overthink, instead let your natural impulses take over.
Keep a Cool Head
An extension of freeing your mind, keep a cool head. Give an aura that shows you’re not bothered and are just here to have fun. Something to try is mirroring your partner’s breathing. Inhale and exhale at the same time with your partner, it has a psychological calming effect on you that might be baffling. Try extending this to when you have sex, as your partner would have a particular trend in their breathing pattern. This is a powerful tool used by psychologists and hypnotists, few people know about. Your partner would unconsciously fall into rhythm with you and feel more comfortable. You are in control and have the upper hand.
Eye Contact and The Touch Barrier
Nothing keeps your partner’s attention more focused on you than eye contact. It gives you an air of confidence when you can speak and look them in the eyes. When with a hookup partner, you want to be intimate at all levels, both mental and physical. Eye contact helps heighten mental intimacy and is pretty sexy. Some people maintain that beauty is in the eyes, exploit this. Combine this with playfully grooming your partner’s hair and stroking the face to achieve maximum effect. Break the touch barrier with skill and cunning. Let your instincts take over and direct you on how to playfully touch your partner. Don’t preplan how you want to touch your or some silly step-by-step scheme. It’s always better to just go with the flow, your partner would sense this.
Be respectfully assertive
Being assertive does not call for aggression, but instead you make a statement while still showing respect. Before you switch to mild aggression, make sure your partner is comfortable with it. There should always be boundaries set in place for both of you and these boundaries should be respected. Assuming your partner is comfortable with whatever kind of sex is not the way to go. Also, some people might like a particular sexual activity but want to proceed there slowly, they don’t enjoy been coerced. Be considerate, keeping in mind that you are both human and have individual needs and fantasies. Ask questions, to clear your doubts. Communicate with your partner and let them open up to you and tell you what they like or would want to try out. This would carve out the path and pace you need to take to maximize comfort and pleasure while avoiding an embarrassing scenario.
Don’t confuse pleasure with emotions
The scope and view of a hookup is limited in determining your compatibility with that person. We all expect or hope for things in various experiences and events. When engaging in casual sex, you are in a world of pleasure, gratification and non-criticism. It is easy to get carried away and think that your partner is the right one for you. This quality is what distinguishes casual sex from a normal emotional relationship. In the latter, a much wider range of things comes into play. There is the extra emotional, family, financial, physical factors etc that further determine your compatibility. In casual relationships, you are oblivious to these extra determining factors.
Be scrupulous and sincere
Always keep in mind that the point of the hookup is to create a non-judgmental environment. Hence, you should be truthful and sincere both to yourself and your partner. Save yourself the stress of entanglement in a web of lies. If your partner is making you uncomfortable or are not ‘feeling’ what he/she is doing, then tell them. Be polite in your approach and its certain they’ll adjust or try something else. They are human and know what it feels like, for something you don’t enjoy to persist. If you don’t want to try out a new experience they are bringing up, then don’t. You are here for fun and forcing yourself to do something you don’t enjoy, doesn’t cut it. The only way you can both get to understand what works for each of you is by being sincere.
Different rules apply here
Don’t judge the progress or success of your casual relationship, based on standards used in normal emotional relationships. Don’t expect your partner to call you day and night or even call you at all to check up on you. Some might do this, but you would just be lucky. Don’t set it as a standard. After all, it’s just casual and ideally no strings attached. If your partner only calls just ahead of your hookups, then accept it. You knew what you were getting into, there’s no need to be annoyed or jealous. You are just booty calls. A casual relationship is supposed to be just that, nothing more. As hard a pill it might be to swallow, you must.
If you fall, be prepared to get hurt
You might have been getting glorious sex for weeks on end with a partner and started to get emotionally attached. This is still natural, as you are only human. There is a tendency to get emotionally attached to someone you’ve shared an orgasm with. As outlined earlier, if you fall under this category, then you should share your honest feelings with your partner, but be prepared to get hurt. Your partner might not share the same feelings with you and you might feel really bad. It was expected after all. What you should not do is sit and wail over your supposed loss. Pick yourself from rejection and keep soaring. Accept it as one of those things that happen in life and move on. For all you know, things might turn around but not at the moment. Do not keep your hopes high though. Live life to the fullest and relish every moment.
Every casual relationship starts from somewhere and no one was born with natural skills to handle them. You would have to build your experience with time and consistency. Always free your mind from anxiety and doubt, instead keep your cool. Avoid planning but instead let your natural instincts do the job of directing you. Be respectful to your partner and keep expectations at bay, anything can happen for all you know. Be honest in your dealings and let things stay casual. If, however things start to get serious between you both, and its mutual, then don’t hesitate to take it to the next level. Many hookups have birthed great relationships. But know that things are going to change. And a new world of responsibility would fall on you. If you are prepared for this, then why not? In all, take charge and do what makes you happy.