Over the past centuries, rules guiding sexual interactions between people, have gradually evolved. In the past, the only way a man could woo a woman into his bed was by putting an engagement ring on her fingers; the ultimate commitment.
In modern times however, roles have been reversed and a lot of people are too busy setting up their careers and other aspects of their lives, that they can’t afford to get into serious committed relationships. It is rather time-consuming. Despite this, we are all still human and are therefore vulnerable to our natural instinct; the need for sexual satisfaction. What most people seek therefore, is a way we can satisfy our raging hormones but still avoid a commitment to our lovers; Casual sex.
This article gives you an overview of guidelines you should follow when considering having a pleasure-oriented casual sex relationship, makes you see the advantages it brings and what to do in certain complications.
Can You Handle It?
Casual sex is emotionally demanding and therefore, you need to ponder and determine if you are prepared to handle it. Sex in itself, is powerfully emotional and thus, there is a natural tendency to get attached to the person we sleep with. When you have a ‘fuck buddy’, you must be mentally grounded to always part ways each time you meet.
Along the way, you are going to meet several intriguing people who would arouse your interest in ways you haven’t felt before. As expected, most of them are not going to be looking for serious commitments with you. They ooze an aura that makes them look ‘emotionally unattainable’. You must take care with this kind of people to avoid falling victim to their seduction and joining the endless queue of people who want them for themselves, both emotionally and physically. You must always keep in mind; they are the ones you call when you want to get laid, not to share your life with.
No and no, you know what you want. Cuddling is for people trying to establish emotional attraction. You must at all cost, suppress the urge to get in a tight embrace after sex. This is nature’s trap to get you attached to your friend with benefits. Cuddling is a display of deep affection and is recommended by experts in romance for those who want to show love to their partners. It creates the exact opposite effect of what you’re trying to achieve, which is why you must avoid it.
Keep in mind, that seemingly insignificant gestures that may seem harmless such as snuggling are what ignite the raging fires of love and emotional desires. Remember, you are only here for a one-night stand. You are having fun, while still been in control.
Affirm Your Dominance
Over the course of your hookups, you might find yourself losing control to your partner, this must be avoided. Whatever the two of you want to experiment on, must be with your full consent. They are not to determine what you want, that is your job. You must show that you are in charge of your sex life and are not vulnerable to manipulation. You are of high value both to yourself and your partner. You are both here for the sexual gratification of one another and nothing more. When your partner wants to try out something new, him/her must consult with you first and ask for your permission. You have power, enforce it.
The Next Door Nemesis
Neighbors move in and out around you and one who catches your eye might soon come along. You might get excited initially, but think before you leap. You do not want to be running into the same person, you had ‘heated affairs’ with the night before, five times a day. This can create feelings of disgust and worst still attachment. Seen the movie ‘The boy next door’? A one-night stand with a neighbor, turned into deadly obsession. When choosing a fuck buddy, the one farthest from you is the preferred option. This would help you ensure your personal life and avoid unnecessary drama.
Don’t Read Meanings into Things
When people are in love, they send texts and messages full of thought and affection to one another. For you engaging in casual sex, you are oblivious to what the meaning of a message from your partner might be. You do not take to heart and most especially, you do not overthink. Overthinking is both time and energy consuming, inhibits your decision-making ability and can create severe mental distress. This is not needed in your career, remember that. You are not an investigator, instead you are just one of the two vital parties necessary to maintain balance in a sexual system. Whatever your partner means by an act or text, is up to them to explain and you are not bothered.
Create Borders and Boundaries
There are rules you must establish with an individual, before you start having casual sex with them. Once they cross these boundaries repeatedly, you should terminate the arrangement immediately. Respect for you and the lines that must not be crossed is of utmost importance. For instance, you can both agree that no feelings or demands whatsoever should be involved and no unexpected visits to your residence should occur. The boundaries you set are to you as a gun is to a soldier, they are your weapons of control. Never let yourself get disarmed.
Your Casual Sex Life is Independent
Unlike a normal committed relationship, you are not to involve your casual sex life with other aspects of your day-to-day activities. Your fuck buddy, is not to be initiated into your inner circle of friends or colleagues at work. Him/her is to be kept isolated and your only meeting point is in the bedroom. They are not to meet your family, God forbid! This is not a marriage courtship. You should keep him/her as a separate island you only sail to, when the hormonal seas of desire rage in you. This ensures an uncomplicated sex life, decision making is easier and faster and terminating the arrangement is straightforward. You do not want your fuck buddy pleading with you, through a close friend to come back. That’s what relationships with feelings entail.
Maintaining the Excitement
Familiarity and routine, leads to boredom and is the death of every sexual relationship. When your partner has proven to be reasonable, there is a need to spice up your sex life. Experimentation is key; trying out new forms of sex and unveiling fantasies, would help to keep the fire burning and avoid boredom. You are here to have fun, and hence, you should be open to try new things. Your encounters with your partner, should be like a journey to discovering uncharted territory. This would help you understand what both you and partner like, the end result being a more satisfying and intriguing casual sex life.
Don’t Live an Illusion
An ideal casual sex relationship should not have any emotional effect on you. If you’re experiencing emotional distress or strain, you should end it immediately. Your comfort and happiness is your priority and should not be suppressed for that of your partner. However, you are human and there’s a natural tendency to get attached with someone who shares your bed. When you find yourself in this situation, weigh the options and decide on what you want to do. Consider carefully before you make any decision. Remember, you got into this arrangement to avoid all the drama involved in normal emotional relationships. Discuss with your partner and re-affirm conditions whilst retaining open-mindedness. After all, nothing is impossible to change.
Enjoy and Relish the Experience
Keep your eyes and mind on the price. The reason you got into casual sex is because you’re seeking fun and excitement, this should be your priority and watchword. This is an opportunity to do things you won’t do in normal conditions. If you’re getting negative outcomes, end it. There are numerous potential partners out there who are willing to give you what you desire. You have free rein and are not restricted to a routine. Always prioritize your happiness and fulfilment before anything else and your partner would come to respect you.
In the end, it all boils down to you as an individual. You should determine what you want beforehand, but still keep an open mind to change. You should hold yourself more valuable than any other partner and should direct your decisions as such. When choosing a partner, make sure him/her is a responsible person and you should both discuss what you want right from the beginning. If you don’t want things to get serious, then you should not be careless and do things that might suggest so. Each of you should respect the boundaries set by the other and should not meddle your sex life with.